She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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