Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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