At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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