just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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