I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
