I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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