I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
