The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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