: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
