If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
