Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just tell him i said nine months
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
