fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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