I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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