i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
