Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
