were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
