Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
