No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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