Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
