I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
