Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize