So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
