its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
