just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
