So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
