I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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