He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize