Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
