You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
