Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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