Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
