I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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