So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize