he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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