My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
