did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
