Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
