i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
