Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
