naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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