life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
