My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize