i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
