I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is her dick bigger than yours?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
