i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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