What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
