In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have aggressive nipples.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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