Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
