i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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