And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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