Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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