I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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