My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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