I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
