Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
