I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
