ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
