Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
