Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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