I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize