i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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