i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
