After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize