she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
