ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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