my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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