My hand turned me down
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
