In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize