if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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