I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
