i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
