Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
