So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
